Post Anniversary Pause

If I pause as I do this morning
I can feel clouds behind 
my eyelids and the ache on my
tail bone where I slipped last night 
shattering my wine glass
on the carpet in the dining room

“Good thing you drink white wine,”
he said as he picked up the
shards and scrubbed chardonnay
from the carpet while I changed my shirt
and if I pause to think about it,
that was a kind gesture and I am grateful

If I pause as I do now, I can still feel that
pang of hurt from something my niece 
said to me and I realize that her truth and
my truth do not intersect much, 
that she's matriarch over a large family
and leads them in ways I cannot understand,
a mist of sadness lingers knowing
two of her grandchildren will be born 
this winter to unvaccinated mothers

If I pause as I do now, I can hear myself 
sigh as I often do, if I pause 
I will remember that I am responsible for my
reactions to unkind words, to a sadness that has
not been removed for over fifty years, to losses
that cannot be made whole again,
only reconciled through sighs

If I pause as I do now, I notice a coffee taste 
lingering on my tongue, 
the cool glass of the desk where I rest my elbows, 
I will notice that I have lived with this man 
who cleaned up broken glass 
for me more than once, 
who soothed a broken heart 
for me more than once,
I will notice that for half of my life, 
33 of my 66 years
we’ve built an Us together
and if I pause like I do now, I appreciate the
magnitude of this gift

This poem is dedicated to my best friend, David, my husband. It was inspired by phrases in the poem, Winter Morning by James Crews.

Top photo is of my husband and I vacationing in Mexico, 2018. The bottom photo was taken at our wedding.


33 thoughts on “Post Anniversary Pause

  1. Turmoil you reflect with your specifics runs through most families, most relationships, and seems amplified by the COVID crisis (crises?) – hats off to you for conveying this so-human complexity in balance, in acceptance of life’s multi-dimensional forces. And congratulations – a benchmark – married half your life!! And the number: 33! You may one day be posting about having been married 2/3 of your life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comments, Jazz. We have had a wonderful life together, yet, as you note, turmoil runs through families and we’ve had our share of challenges. I know things have been challenging during the pandemic, but I think our love has deepened while staying home together all the time. It makes me realize that if I had to shelter in I couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone but David. Glad you stopped by; it’s always fun to visit with you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My husband and I are coming up on 16 years under the same roof (4 technically married). Since COVID triggered his retirement, we’ve been in continuous physical proximity – a blessing – worth putting up with a few disruptions! Here’s to continued proximity!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Memories bittersweet.  Husband still there for you,  LuAnne.   Close call, glad you are not seriously injured after your fall.   Blessings. Janette

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Such a tribute to your relationship. I enjoyed your poem, LuAnne and wish the both of you the best. Funny how hard times can strenghten a a relationship. For us, we have grown closer through my knee injury and spending more time together through Covid and retirement. It doesn’t work that way for everyone!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Alanna, for your kind words and wishes. Actually, retirement and then Covid have deepened our love for each other, too. I couldn’t imagine going through a pandemic, sheltered in, with anyone by husband.

      Liked by 1 person

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